Thursday, May 7, 2015

Chapter 4 - April 2015



A Person Who hates everyone right now Once loved someone so much. 

  • I Lost My smile, my soul and my life after losing her.
  • I Am trying to distract my mind: reading books one after another, watching movies from time to time, all gave me a temporary distraction which ends by time i stop reading or watching an interesting book/movie.
  • I Am trying to survive at my work, i feel i don't have any aim to proceed further, it is not the work itself but it is me.

Advise to Myself:
To avoid heart broken: Do Nothing, Say Nothing, Be Nothing
nothing is something to others

Friday, April 17, 2015

Chapter 3 - March 2015





You Can lose your pride to the one you love, rather than lose the one you love because of pride



  • I Lost her, completely; lost my heart with her.
  • It feels like my life is like re-run show, with minor changes on it. And the only thing that varies is that i am older in age, more experience and more disappointment and devastating inside. 
  • I was working on something that will make my life better on financial and work aspect; i am waiting for a outcomes of my results, will it be a new hope or another disappointment ?! 
  • An Old thought always jumps into my mind and i am starting to accept it: since my childhood, i decided to work on myself, practically and intellectually , always depend on myself to do things that i want to do from simplest things by making breakfast or hard things like take care of myself in all aspects, this all based on facts that i don't want to be dependable on someone and i am master of myself and ready to offer help when needed and preparing myself to live in the end: ALONE.
  • Whoever said books are best friend in all time, then i bow for him #almotanabbi


Thursday, March 26, 2015

Two sides of one story - صورتين لقصة واحدة


من المواقف الغريبة التي تصادفها بحياتك 

شخصين لكل منهما مشاعر أو أراء متشابهة ولكن متناقضة بنفس الوقت حول شخص/موضوع معين
والسبب حالتكما مع هذا الشخص/الموضوع أو كيف هذا الحدث ممكن يكون أيجابي أو سلبي وقت حدوثه لكِلا الشخصين
والمشكلة...
ما تعرف تأيد لو ترفض.
لأنه بالتأكيد أذا أيدت فالشخص الأخر راح يأخذها بمبدأ تفهم الوضع من قبلك
وأذا رفضت فراح يتفاجيء ويريد يعرف سبب الرفض وعدم تفهمك
خصوصا أذا عرف بأنه بطريقة ما هو جزء من السبب ويمكن أصلا ما يفهمك
 فالأحسن تسكت
لأنه السكوت علامة الرضا
أو بمعنى أخر تخليها على الله لأنه مليوصه من جهتك مو من جهة الشخص الأخر
حتى صورة مناسبة لهاي الحالة ما لكيت 


One of the odd/bizarre situation you may face in your life
two people have same but somehow opposite feeling or opinion about specific person/subject
 and this depends on your current status with that person/subject or how this event  will reflect adversely or favorable once it occurs to both parties
and the problem is...
you don't know if you have to agree or disagree.
Because, if you agree then indeed, the other person will see it as a sign of understanding from you
however, if you didn't , then you have to explain,  he will be surprised and curious to know why ?!
and what it's funny is
you can't say why ?! since this person somehow may be involved in it or may not understand
so, last thing last
it is better to be quiet when you face      
silence implies your consent
or in other meaning, let it go, the headache is yours not H/Hers


I Didn't find a picture to illustrate deeper



Monday, March 2, 2015

Chapter Two - February 2015


Every cloud has a silver lining.


  • I am very blessed in the beginning of this month, very busy in the middle , very confused in the end
  • Life is shifting direction to positive side in some points, resides in shadows in other points.
  • I love books, I need to buy books, at least i can run away to a world of my imagination not like my world.
  • Killing people is like a salad to some people, i feel bad if i have doubt of hurting someone feelings even without no intention to do so.
  • if you work on yourself , you will get a reward after all.
  • I feel like i am loosing her, she is pushing her self away, is it me ?! or what ?! 


Advise to myself 
Be Optimistic after all, what meant to you, will always be to you what meant not to you
well, you will figure out how to make it for you after all.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Chapter One - January 2015

In life
Helping Others is nice 
Helping too much is bad for you ONLY
but I keep doing it for same person, for years
  • They Say it's a new year, a new hope , a new plan & a new you, I don't see any.
  • I Am tired, confused and exhausted 
  • In the beginning of this month , i was wondering what she is doing ?! she is been in recovery since last month and back on 14th, she seems happy of outcome which is great. i was wondering if she thought the same back to me like i did. or not ?!  
Advise to myself

 If a man lives on his past, then he takes out the present and forgets about the future.
if a man ignores the past, he may take out the future and forgets his present.
Keep your past, learn from mistakes and live the present to seed the future like you want it to be.




Thursday, January 15, 2015

Moving Backwards..

A Nighty-Conversation Between Me & Myself!



Myself: How’s everything is going with you?!

Me: I don’t know, I feel like I am alone but unique, optimistic but have no clue about future, nothing seems positive on horizon.

Myself: you have all potential to be a successful person as you are right now! Why to worry?!

Me: I have to admit that I worked hard for myself but looking to my current status: finically and socially, I Believe that I am not successful at all.

Myself: but you get a good job and your life is stable, you’ve been proven yourself as a successful person and will have results soon

Me: it is not about getting results, I feel like that despite everything I worked on, I still circling in same spot, whenever I achieve something, level up my life, I had unexpected issue that ruin everything to me and take out the blood from my veins, have me returned to first place like a fresh graduate student that will start his career.

Myself: what do you mean exactly?!

Me: it means that I wasted time in my life doing everything but have results of person doing nothing.

Myself: oh, I got you. But at least you get experience, which will boast your life.

Me: Okay, I believe you don’t get me right.

Myself: oh dear, you are overreacting things, life is not colorful after all there’s ups and downs with it and you have to deal with it.

Me: I Am fully understand definition of life, but does that means that working hard rewards nothing.

Myself: you have to keep trying, life is unfair sometimes.

Me: it is unfair as a fact, sometimes you need luck to progress, but I don’t thing that unfair will keep rolling back in your area. There should be time to be fair with you.

Myself: and you have to wait to that moment.

Me: you still didn’t get me, I’ve been stepped back many times and say it is okay and start moving forward again and again but then life spank me back to zero.

Myself: okay

Me: the only difference is that time moving on.
Myself: so what?!

Me: time passing and I am rounding on same place, you make calculation.

Myself: so, you mean you waste energy and time for nothing.
Me: exactly.

Myself: you have to let things go and work according to factor you have currently.

Me: This is the point, I have to let go things that supposed to be done earlier on beginning and was in middle of road of doing it and but then returned back to zero like nothing done.

Myself: and what’s the problem with that?!

Me: I am long term planner, now I have to get short term planning.

Myself: Right, SO!!

Me: During long term planning, you set goals and steps to progress your life, put some possibilities or flexibility for each step in order to overcome step downs, each step have its’ time to achieve to move to next step and so on.

Myself: and

Me: I finish step 1 which took me for example one year, and while working 2 then have unexpected event returns me back to zero and go on go on, time passes, then have to let go some things, because you realize that you are late.

Myself: and where’s problem with that?! It is a right decision.

Me: Looking to all your efforts and how you worked hard on yourself, comparing to others same age or same time: Less than you, but way better than you.

Myself: don’t compare yourself with others, this is unfair to you.

Me: I am comparing to show how failure I am,
I have my friends for example, they look at me as something special, because I really working hard on myself, but comparing to them, they look more stable than me.

Myself: you are not a failure, life didn’t work well for you.

Me: even though, I feel like I Am a failure despite everything.

Myself: since you worked hard for yourself then why to worry about being failure or successful, you will be successful after all.

Me: problem is not about being successful or not, problem is about time passing and you are reaching step 4 or 5 according to your plans, which is totally depends on first steps.

Myself: you feeling retired, a way back from you goals but older.

Me: exactly, when you reach a point in your life that you have to make critical decision: like marriage or start small business, these things need basement, the stronger the basement the higher confidence you will be to get into it.

Myself: these things can be wait.

Me: Life sometimes offers you an opportunity, you have to grab it but in my case.
I want to grab it but you can't because something pull you down.
It is like you want to step up but some unfinished business interrupts You and you have two Options:
  • Either go and finish that thing that pulls down but you can't guarantee you will find that opportunity you want.
  • Or grab it and expect unpleasant ending because logically you are not good enough.
Myself: if it is important and you want then you have to work hard even If it takes time.

Me: some things can be delayed, some can't.

it is like you have a rare chance and you are hesitate to grab or wait, but can't be sure that this chance will have it again, so you have to manipulate according to new factors, deleting some things, accelerate time to build up strong basement but again life is not helping.

Myself: you keep talking about time and age.

Me: it is as important factor.

Myself: no, it is not!

Me: when you have laws that protect you, support you then it is not a factor but when you lacks both then you have to work hard to achieve your things, time passes, life turns table on you, start again with time passes and again life will do its’ magical way to turn it again and return to beginning, then yeah time matters.

Myself: I Am Confused.

Me: tell me about it.

Myself: I believe I get your point, but don’t you believe in fate and if that thing meant for you then it will be for you.

Me: I believe in fate, but do you have any idea about your future?! Do you know what is for you and what is not?! Did god inform you that if you want something there's two options: you have to work for it or sit down and do nothing, in either way you will get that thing!

Myself: you are right. In order to achieve something you have to work for it and sometimes more than once.
If you get it then it is for you, if it is not then it is not meant to be.

Me: exactly, and this is what I am worrying about, I have a chance and need to work on it, my heart tells me to progress on it while my mind wants to stop as I am not ready.

Myself: typical heart and mind battle.

Me: yes and this thing is killing me inside, especially when that thing can’t be delayed and you may have one chance to grab, otherwise, you may lose it forever and feeling of regret will be hard to handle.

Myself: I have to admit that you have to make big decisions and time is limited.

Me: exactly, time and factors surrounding me is not helping but I will try to work accordingly and maybe I will get what I deserved.

Myself: I will go to sleep now, it is getting late and you have to wake up early tomorrow.
Me: A new day, full of hope and believe.

Myself: as always, I was very blessed to talk with you.

Me: Me too, we will talk another night.

Myself: Sure we will!
Me: nighty-night myself

Myself: Nighty and sweet dreams, Keep on faith

Me: as always


Wednesday, December 31, 2014

صامدون .. وللحياة بقية





عام مضى ويأتي عام وما زلت نفسي 
لا جديد يُحكى ولا قديم يُسر
ًتركتُ الأحلام جانباً وأتخذت الواقع هدفا 
تعلمت بأن الولاء بدعةُ, ففي القلبِ هَوَى يرميك برمشة عين من صديق الى عدو 
وصدمتُ بأناس في لحظة , يهوون مِن العلا الى هاوية التقدير
ورأيتُ الوطن يمزق أشلاءاً , من أناس همهم القتل والتهجير والسبي
ونورت سمائي نجمة , نورها ليس كنور كل النجوم
ُوكيف لشخصٍ أن يكون بطبيعتهُ , وواقعه لا يحتمل 
وهل للأمل من باب , أم أن أبواب الأمل مغلقة 
ًفكل ما تأتيك فرصة , يرميك القدر فيرديك مهمشاً مكسوراً مدمرا
فلكل شخص هواه ولكل شخص مصلحتهُ ولكل ذو حظ نصيب 

فالحياة صعود ونزول ومنها الدروس والعبر 
وفي كل سنة الأمنيات تُحضر 
وبريق الأمل يزداد 
فها انا اليوم متأملا 
راضياً قنوعاً شاكراً بما حاكاه لي القدر
فلتأتي الحياة بأعنف ما لديها , فبي أمل يبرق ويخفت لكن لن ينطفيء
فلا يهمني شيئا 
فالغريق لا يخشى على نفسه من البلل 
ًوما زلت صامدا